#in my books anyone who cares so much about what and how people consume just never matured enough to mind their own business

[cy-cyborg]

The Jaws Effect and what it means for media representation

The Jaws Effect is the name of a phenomenon that described the panic and fear that sprang up around sharks, fuelled by Steven Spielberg's movie, Jaws. While the fear of sharks and other marine predators had always been a thing, Jaws launched the fear of sharks, and Great White Sharks in particular, to new (and mostly unfounded) heights. Most people will never encounter a real-life shark and so their only knowledge about the creatures come from movies and other forms of entertainment. Entertainment that largely portrayed them as mindless, unfeeling killing machines. After Jaws, sharks became a staple in the creature-feature genre of movies, which only perpetuated the idea of sharks as dangerous monsters even further, reigniting and reconfirming the beliefs the public held about them in the process. These ideas about sharks are, of course, not true, but the misconception and fear has had a real, observable impacts on shark populations, shark conservation efforts and even laws and legislations surrounding sharks and shark conservation around the world.

Ok but Cy, this is a blog about disability and disabled representation, what do sharks have to do with anything you talk about? Well, Because The Jaws Effect is just one of many examples that shows how massive of an impact representation in the media can have, for better or for worse, especially when talking about subjects the public generally knows very little about.

This conversation is not unique to disability representation, nearly every person I've seen who's talked about how to write and design characters from any minority brings it up eventually, but the media we consume, the movies we watch, the books we read can all have big impacts on people's perceptions on those topics. When talking about disability specifically, it's an unfortunate reality that not many people know all that much about us, and so, much like sharks, for many, their only real exposure to disabled people is through the media they consume.

If you don't know anyone in a wheelchair, and your only knowledge of life as a wheelchair user comes from books and movies like Me Before You, of course you're going to (spoiler) come away thinking that life in a wheelchair is horrible and death is better than living like that. If you don't know any DID Systems and your only exposure to a condition like that is through movies like Split (and honestly, a number of other horror movies and crime shows) of course you'll think people with DID are unstable monsters who could become violent any moment. If your only exposure to autistic people is Music, then it's not shocking that you might think Autistic people are "trapped in their own minds," completely unaware of the world around them and lacking any kind of agency. As much as I'd like to be able to say these are "just movies" or "just books," and that if we don't like them, we can just not watch them, they all had an impact on the real world and real people's perceptions of the disabilities they depicted, as do the many, many smaller examples of bad representation.

This is why I personally spend so much time focused on the portrayal of disability in the media, why so much of my content is focused on creating resources for creators to represent us better, and why I think writers, artists and other types of creators should care about the representation they include.

Unfortunately, people believing misinformation and stereotypes, while annoying, isn't the worst of the impacts bad rep can have. If a stereotype is prevalent enough, and enough people believe it, it can both put us in harms way and cause us to loose access to things we desperately need and things designed to help us. One really common example of this is when movies and TV shows show a character getting up out of their wheelchair, and use this as proof that the person is faking being disabled. However, in reality, there are many disabilities that might mean someone has to use a wheelchair, even if they can still walk a little bit or stand up. The stereotype of someone standing up from their chair being a fake, especially when it's reinforced over and over again in the media, leads non-disabled people to believe that anyone who stands up from their wheelchair is faking, and results in a lot of real disabled people being harassed and denied things like access to disabled parking, toilets and other accessible spaces. There were even a few cases of people reporting those they see get out of their wheelchairs to Centrelink (The Australian "welfare" department, for those not familiar) as frauds, and while these investigations don't usually go far before someone realises what's happened, it has, on occasion, resulted in people loosing the income they depend on to survive, even temporarily.

But the impact of representation, of course, can go both ways.

I was in high school when the first How To Train Your Dragon movie came out, and at the time, I didn't really like people being able to see that I was a leg amputee because I was sick of kids in particular staring, pointing at me, asking their parents "what's wrong with them?" or asking me directly, "what's wrong with your legs?". I wore long skirts and big, bulky tracksuit pants to keep my legs covered, something that became dangerous in the hot Australian summer, but I didn't care.

But the impact of How to Train Your Dragon came in two ways. The first, was that it was one of the first times I'd seen an amputee (or rather, multiple amputees) who didn't keep their prosthetics covered or hidden, and it gave me the little boost in confidence I needed to do that myself and wear clothing that was more comfortable and functional. And second, the comments from children changed, albeit slightly, but enough that it was noticeable. The questions and comments went from "what's wrong with you?" to "oh cool, your legs are like Hiccup's!" I even had one little girl ask me once if I had a pet night fury. They went from being scared of me and my legs, or at the very least concerned for me, to genuinely curious and impressed. While reactions like that did become less and less common over time, they didn't fully go away either. Even today, I occasionally get young kids asking me why I have legs like hiccup. A friend of mine who was born with one arm shorter than the other and without fingers on that side had a similar experience with the movie Finding Nemo. Her disability was a bit more complex than what I described here, and she always found it hard to explain "what happened" to small children, however, after Finding Nemo came out, she was able to simply tell kids "this is my lucky fin, like what nemo has!" and that was enough to take her from someone "scary" to these kids to someone like their favourite characters.

Of course, it's much easier to see the impact positive representation can have on people's perceptions when we're talking about kids media, but it's not exclusive to it either.

When it comes to a minority like the disabled community who are so thoroughly misunderstood by the wider public, misinformation can and does spread easily. What people see and read in the media they consume plays a big roll in how people perceive the real people attached to the stereotypes. We often hear people say "Fiction imitates life" but the reverse can and often is also true, life can imitate and be influenced by fiction, and those of us creating should be mindful of this, especially when we're talking about a group of vulnerable people.

[Thumbnail ID: An illustration of a Great White Shark swimming near the rocky bottom of the ocean, surrounded by silver fish. In the bottom left corner of the image is "The Jaws Effect and what it means for media representation" in big, white bubble text. /End ID]

[lambotel]

okay. so i’m like, the last person to ‘speak’ on certain things especially about celebrities because 1) i don’t care majority of the time 2) i don’t look up to just anybody to be honest 3) those who i do frequently keep up with, watch,’or listen to, are so darn ‘quiet’. unproblematic, despite the fact that honestly? i think everyone is a little problematic with one or two scandalous situations constantly following behind them.

but i think the whole ethel cain discourse going on on twitter right now is just so disappointing and sad regardless of whatever is true or false. i’m not even sure why i’m being shown these things because i only post and repost art stuff. but i actively listen to her music and admire her artwork, it’s as inspiring as david lynch’s artwork is to me. putting these two names together says enough already.

just odd looking at particular screenshots/videos of hayden and her partner. some things she nor he has, probably ever, cleared up. and i get it, you’re cool, you don’t necessarily owe anyone anything but this is genuinely some weird shit.

at the same time, they aren’t necessarily recent things. people make mistakes when they’re young. it’s not an excuse, no, but life goes on- not to mention, people change- and it’s even more weird to dig up certain situations solely to ruin someones life/career. you don’t do that to someone.

but also, some other weird shit im seeing; the misgendering, the cyber bullying, the certain fans calling people chronically online- especially to her black american fans who just want her to clear up about the racism shit , the fans who are excusing or justifying what she’s said/done (allegedly) just because she’s ‘mother’ and ‘ethel cain’. i feel like, its so strange and worrying how even if its still alleged and not confirmed to be true, y’all are really weird for already finding ways to justify whats going on and speaking for her.

you can defend her and like her music, but calling people chronically online for wanting her thoughts on all this is sooo weird. especially since hayden has often spoken up about a lot of situations around the world and in the us quite actively and proudly (thats good), but is ironically only quiet about this - this discourse thats lasted almost a week. but of course its a lot to process for someone, understandably.

she’s definitely not making the right choices by staying quiet but then deleting all her videos except the one with her boyfriend, after what recently came out about him. and in that regard, her and her fans are definitely strange for still not believing victims of his abuse and weird behaviour (e.g him showing his sex videos with another girl to his future interests, the fact that he even has them??). you women, really hate women. it shows. and its sad.

a lot of things may be alleged and false, a lot of things may be true. regardless, how some of you are defending her and treating other disappointed/upset fans is so not okay. its so weird. i always thought a lot of ethel cain fans were weird - but i think that a lot about most fan bases. of artists. shows. movies. books. always gonna have the weird ones. idk.

like i said i never speak on anything, genuinely, but i feel so much disappointment when someone i actually genuinely care about and take inspiration from - or learn from - comes our as some odd person. like w h y. i wasn’t raised to look up to anyone really because not everyone is good, im so selective with this type of stuff though because im careful with what i consume - if it benefits me, teaches me, if its a convenience etc. now im just rambling but anyway.

really weird stuff. exactly on the day i was creating artwork based on her album. strangling myself.

if some things get cleared or are apologised for dont even t r y come back to this post and tell me ‘i told you so’. 1) just stating my thoughts and opinions on >my page<, 2) this is all public source, 3) some of my points still stand, like about putting her on a pedestal even if things were alleged (bc mind you, regardless of that, there were sources to things. - oddly specific. idk how someone can clear that up unless its edited or fabricated. but its literally more than one issue and situation).

dont hate me, we’re all people with thoughts and opinions

[atropinenightshade]

James X Kyma-- Why I don't ship

Did it have potential? Possibly. I wouldn't have minded it if it was developed since book one and James didn't have as much history with Rafal.

Is it for poor single Rafal who didn't get anyone? Eh, not that either. (Though the lack of closure was admittedly annoying.)

I just felt like I could relate to Kyma about the whole boys thing, and the way James treated her in the beginning was similar to my experiences. (Basically, immature, rude, even physically violent boys. Mostly the former though)

Maybe they would have been better if James slowly outgrew his belief that girls are a waste of time and they became a platonic pair. But honestly, I'm questioning if James even realized the error of his ideas, because to the very end, he had some of the "me and the boys mentality."

And when James was consumed by Rhian's magic in that one part where he physically hurt Kyma-- no. I'm sorry, but that's a big nope for me. I don't care if he was "possessed" or whatever. How can any girl love someone after that?? He was choking her. And when she "saves" him, that also felt off, because it reflects the whole idea that women can save their man from his vices and problems! She just has to love him! Which shouldn't be a message to people, because nobody can save anybody from their vices if they aren't the person themselves. Also, this was after he saved her, so this seems to be this push-pull thing where it's frustrating, and Kyma deserves something happier than that to be honest.

James saw loving a girl as a distraction to his goals, got defensive over Kyma asking a question to me/confronting him, and even gave her what she herself called a "backhanded compliment." Immature boy but he gets the girl in the end. Aladdin was also superficial and immature.

I could tell James respected Rafal-- a guy-- and he sure as hell didn't see him as an obstacle or he being attractive an issue. he invited him to Neverland. But with Kyma? The whole "because you're pretty" was just so... off and the way he kept putting her down for being on the crew was annoying.

So yeah, i dislike the ship because James seemed to be that kind of boy towards her.

(Also, I wonder if Rafal would have done to a girl what he did to James. because if he was willing to do that to a female, that'd look hella pathetic. But I'm sure I would see a bunch of sexist takes, like "she's a whiny bitch being mean to my blorbo" bullshit.)

[seraphinitegames]

I'm in love with the immersion, world-building, and characters of your writing. I can't help but gush about how talented you are with your you are as it's obvious how much love you put in your work.

The routes that I've been going through with my mc and his love interest between Adam and Mason was intriguing, funny and sometimes left me flustered and secretly yearing for more as although the difference between the two is like night and day, there is also a sense of familiarity the two of them share as well such as when it comes to the people they cherish and how they can react when they're threatened especially when it comes to the mc when picked as a love interest.

My favourite moments in the series would be from your most recent book, book three. I was pensive and aching to reach out towards Adam, as I wanted him to realize that it's okay to feel vulnerable every now and then, and that it doesn't make him weak as I desperately tried to reach out to him, and how when I was about to confess that I had fallen for Mason until Felix came out of nowhere, cockblocking me, which led me to furiously mutter under my breath and mind "GOD F@#*ING DAMMIT, FELIX!!"

My heart also ached for how much Sin was in pain who didn't want to hurt anyone but felt like he had to, resigned and trapped with no way out. I didn't hesitate to find any way to help him in anyway I could to free him. That's why near the end of the book I let him leave to live his life the way he wanted to. I couldn't stop imaging about giving him something to not just remind him of our budding friendship, but to also remind him to stay true to himself, and remind him that although he did do some terrible things, they don't define who he is, and that he has the right to been and feel happy as well when the guilt of his actions starts to consume him, whilst I'll also run and shout towards him when he flies of and leaves as I wave with a smile, "Goodbye! Stay safe!" I wonder how he'll react towards the mc doing this.

I can't wait for book four, as this time the stakes are dire, and the mc can even fall for the villian! I can't wait!!

Sorry for my ramblings, but I truly love the series that you've created and I cannot wait for what you have in store for us all. I hope you have a wonderful day. 😊😊

Aah, what an incredible message! I honestly cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to me to read this! <3

It's interesting you saying about the similarities of A and M—It's kind of why it's always fun writing them when they end up paired off for a mission or something.

M is very honest with A (as can be seen with that rather cutting statement by a BFF M to a romanced A at the end of Book Three! But A kind of…gets M in some ways more than the others un Unit Bravo, and it's the same for M. They both know how in pain they are—emotionally or physically—and there's a very deep understanding and bond between them because of that.

I could go on about the unique bonds between each member of UB forever, so I'll stop not before it turns into an essay, hehe! :D

But yeah, I think Sin would love to hear that from the MC. No one has ever looked out for him or cared to before, so having someone they barely know do that for him would make a very big impact—and it does depending on your ending with him!

Thank you so so much for your wonderfully motivating message! <3

[maxdibert]

there are two lines about Mary in the books we don't know if she is a muggle-born or a half-b lood

I don't know i thin that girl who is inventing lies about me and befriending bullies and harassers just for hating on me that @mrstellmeafuckingsecret doesn't agree with you. And if she thinks different then you're wrong because she's the only who can have hc in that fandom. Their hc are the only only only one valid. If you don't se a character the same way as her and her little minion @vulcajes then you're a racist.

Hey, but you all spend your time talking about Nazi characters, about fascism, trivializing the REAL political terror caused by fascist dictatorships and the Nazi movement just so you can hate on fictional characters, and you don’t care. You also spend your days justifying rich, WHITE, abusive brats, but apparently we’re the racists. I mean, if you imagine a character who’s not described in the books as white, that’s totally fine. But if someone else imagines James Potter, canonically white, canonically rich, canonically someone who stripped people naked in public, canonically violent and abusive, as problematic? Nah, that’s unacceptable. You’ve officially won the progressive jackpot!

Hey, imagining irrelevant characters as white? Racism! The worst! Let’s burn that person at the stake! But defending and justifying an abusive, aristocratic, WHITE brat whose main abuse target was a working-class kid with ETHNIC FEATURES, much poorer and from an abusive family? That’s totally fine! He’s the icon of the wizarding world! Y’all are real social justice warriors, huh?

What I tried yesterday was meant as satire, I thought you’d react to a different kind of headcanon, I didn’t expect you to be this twisted about it. I think you’re just way too young and still think you can use the race card to validate your hatred or to destroy someone. Two things for you:

1) For someone to be racist, they need to do racist things. Imagining a character—who has been represented as white for decades and was white back when y’all still had baby teeth—as white, is not racism.

2) Your little Tumblr community, with its four diehard followers, is not the whole internet. It’s not even the whole Marauders fandom. You don’t represent any majority. You represent yourselves and your four internet friends who go along with your nonsense. Honestly, it’s sad that just because you read and consume the same ten fandom blogs all the time, you think that echo chamber reflects global reality. Like, self-importance is one thing, but you’re seriously overdoing it.

3) Just because I use certain tags @vulcajes doesn’t mean I’m going into those tags. I use tags related to characters I’m talking about or who come up in questions. I’ve used “Harry Potter” a thousand times and never looked at the main tag. I’ve used “Ginny Weasley” a thousand times and never went into her main tag. I know you’re desperate to paint me as the monster under your bed because it’s always annoyed you that I call out your cognitive dissonance—thinking you’re a social justice warrior while defending abusive characters—but that’s not my problem. However you imagine a character who isn’t even relevant to Lily Evans herself (who name-drops her constantly) is totally irrelevant to me. I have no reason to know, because unlike you, I’m not stalking anyone. I only respond when you say something about Snape, that is a tag I do check, and that’s how your posts come up, sweetheart. Keep up.

4) You should know that accusing someone of certain crimes (like offenses against protected groups) and spreading false rumors (as I’ve seen you all doing) is illegal. Saying Mary McDonald is white is not a crime. But believing whatever crap you hear about me just because you need to paint me as the villain, and then reblogging and spreading that crap, is a crime. It’s called defamation, by the way. And it’s reportable to Tumblr. You have zero evidence to back up your conspiracy theories. Meanwhile, I’m calmly collecting receipts and will be reporting you all for harassment as many times as it takes. Not just you either, your little circle of friendly accounts too. And anyone else inventing things. It’s all good.

5) I’m not racist, but you are hypocrites. And when I say “you,” I mean you, your friends, and the echo chamber you live in. You’ve launched an entire hate campaign, full of slander and lies, against me just because I imagine a character—who has been headcanoned the same way for TWENTY YEARS—differently than you do. Like, people were writing fanfics with Mary McDonald as a white girl before you were even born. I was 16, reading Marauders fanfics back then, and she was white in pretty much every one. It’s not my fault there are generational or cultural gaps, but it is your fault for not being able to look beyond your own navels.

It’s absolutely pathetic that you’re going this far, throwing around defamatory nonsense, just because someone disagrees with you. You know what it’s called when you try to silence someone, destroy their reputation, and spread lies just because they don’t think like you? Totalitarian methods. These are the same methods used in authoritarian regimes, including fascist ones—which you love to mention but clearly don’t understand at all. I’d be ashamed to accuse someone of racism without proof when you constantly minimize abuse, sexual assault, and bullying. I’d be ashamed to call someone racist when your favorite characters are WHITE CIS-HET MALE CLASSIST ABUSERS. The double standards you live by are honestly embarrassing.

Clearly, you all still have a lot of growing up to do, but that’s not my job. What I do ask is that you stop using insults, lies, and defamation. And if you don’t, that’s fine too. I have nothing to hide, and I haven’t done anything wrong, so I’ll just keep collecting proof (something you can’t do) and report you all to Tumblr as many times as necessary.

Sending my regards and a little kiss to all of you and your friends—you’ve really exposed yourselves as a bunch of hypocrites who only care about social causes when it’s about fictional characters no one even cares about. Everything else? You don’t give a damn. You’re drawing-room revolutionaries. Keep “boycotting” J.K. Rowling from the comfort of your living room while constantly using her character names and boosting her SEO. You’re really ruining her life, huh? Totally dismantling the system. Just a little more and you’ll reach Robespierre.

[theus-what-are-you-doing]

Final Scene Analysis and Key Sender Theory

A theory below? It might be obvious, but I'm being a dumbass and connecting dots that might not be there. That and I'm trying to wrap my head around the plot of season one while making predictions for season two too.

Words: 768

Okay, I'm not sure if anyone has pointed this out already, but this has been playing on my mind like a catchy song, and I genuinely need to vent it.

Something is telling me that Chase is being used by Buddy, indicated through the interaction shared by him and Violet at the end of season one.

Nox "can't do this" anymore because he's slowly falling for Chase. He's coming to love and care for him, like during the finale arc e.g. shielding him from water, comforting him during his breakdown, kissing him to be his hero.

He doesn't want to hurt the ones he loves, especially knowing how much Chase is trying to help others around him, specifically his own mum. See below:

Now, I think Nox is intelligent enough to put things together. So, I think these lines spoken towards him during Chase's breakdown could have made things click for him: Why Chase was sooooo determined in the beginning of the series to go into the book's for example, despite how irritating and upsetting Nox tried to be.

Given Nox is more familiar with Chase's personality now, it would only make sense for him to use the wish for someone else he cares about, hence Nox's hesitation to continue stealing the naratonin. As Nox cares more for Chase, he may come to want what Chase wants too, like a couple would.

But what's to says he's stealing it?

Well, we know Nox is a key now, and by all means, I don't think he can gather Naratonin by himself as it's established other keys can't. Though he was priorly human, I think he lost the ability to gather Naratonin when he became a key.

Considering we've been shown no other key holders, I don't believe any of them are left too, that there are any humans to help collect this naratonin. I really think it's just the keys.

Yet we've been shown that keys can use naratonin and that Buddy plans to use it to get a wish. But instead of wishing like a birthday wish where you whisper your secrets to the naratonine, I think you need to consume or absorb it, much like Silver did earlier in the series.

Here, it's shown that Silver fixes herself using the Naratonin Chase collected, so who's to say that Buddy isn't either. He just needs more because the thing he is trying to fix is his human self, to regain it.

Now i think that staying close to Chase is just a way to transfer his production of Naratonin to him and Violet, as they're also keys, or that Chase's production of Naratonin also goes over to them. It would explain why Chase gets so little every time and why Buddy wants to be close to him so often.

Keysender Theory

And so here's where my theory comes in. Let's focus on that second panel again!

"After all you've done for this"

I can't help but get a feeling that Nox was the one who sent the other keys out, or at least orchestrated getting them out with someone else acting as a proxy. It would explain why he's done so much work for this, to become human.

If my theory is correct and Libris holds no current key holders, the only way for Buddy to get Naratonin would be to get the keys into the hands of other humans, follow them into the books, and retrieve naratonin from being near them, so he can heal himself much like Silver did but to a larger scale. This is what we see happening with Chase after all.

Yhe keys have been scattered too, perhaps to not only heighten the chances of getting more people into the books but to also prevent them from gathering all the keys to make that wish (Like Silver admitted to Chase, you need all her family to make the wish)

Future predictions

With this in mind and my rambling over, I'd like to throw my hat in the ring for things I'd love to see from this analysis and theory, if they ever became true.

I'd love to see Buddy be confronted for this, perhaps out of guilt he would tell Chase he's been stealing narratonin and thus Chase obviously gets upset, as he's trying to collect if for his mum. I feel like this can be a way for them to share their wants for each other and even help each other with getting their way.

Anyway, that's all my rambles done. I hope they made at least a semblance of sense!!

[holdinbacksecrets]

uninhibited (and drunk) voicemails from seventeen

forever sending gratitude and love to j @un-love for helping assign these

seungcheol: “i watched you tonight with another man. he held your hand and kissed your forehead. he drank your tea first to check the temperature. he made you laugh. for real. i know because you covered your mouth, still feeling insecure about how far it opens when the reaction can’t be avoided—when the something said was so funny it surprised you. you’re wearing red. your arms were exposed for a while, and i felt my eyes prick with tears at the sight of more tattoos on your skin. ones i didn’t know about. maybe ones you mentioned when they were still just possibilities in your head. not once did i think i wouldn’t see them actualized. not once did i imagine another man’s fingers brushing the ink through the motion of draping his jacket around your shoulders.”

jeonghan: “i’m at home and alone, and it’s wrong to call you. it’s so unfair to call you. i didn’t know how to tell you that the wanting is scary. that the way we love each other is impossible—not for a second do i believe it’s possible to have again, and i’m fucking afraid, probably because i know how much you’ve grown. the thought of letting you down leaves a sour taste, and i’m trying not to be so fucking afraid.”

joshua: “i’m sobering up now, sitting on my mom’s back porch. earlier, i was trying to describe the color of your hair. the best i could come up with was blue frosting like the cupcakes she made for my 10th birthday party. isn’t that outrageous? embarrassing? in my head was a poem, but the alcohol released the silliest set of words i could’ve possibly used to describe a part of you.”

jun: “everything is weird. everyone is strange to me today except for you. i’m drunk. i lost my shoes at some point in the night i think. i can’t recognize anyone around me. their voices don’t sound familiar. i wish you were here. i wish you’d tell me this is miserable for you too; it’s not worth it anymore. would you tell me the truth if i asked? sorry. what a stupid question. i don’t know anyone more honest.”

soonyoung: “i should’ve watched you all day more often. i dream about that. i wanted to, but something always had my attention or interrupted its focus on you. i’m laying here with my eyes closed, imagining all the moments i did watch and wondering if every single one pieced together could consume an entire day.”

wonwoo: “is it ok that i still have your spare key? i’d like to believe it’s something you’d ask to get back, but i wonder if that call isn’t worth making. if the idea of seeing me makes you anxious. but you trust me. out of everyone to still have access to your home, it’s ok that it’s me. i feel sad thinking about it.”

jihoon: “you baked cookies. i froze half of them. there’s one left, and i’m debating whether or not to eat it today. it’s freezing outside, and any view through my window is ruined by the snow. it feels like the perfect night for a cookie with what’s left of my second americano like i can risk losing sleep, but what will be left from you if i give in? everything else feels lifeless—it’s been so long since you’ve touch the clothes and read the books.”

seokmin: “i’m going to a wedding tomorrow. your old neighbor is getting married, and i thought about so many things when he sent me the invitation. i thought he was in love with you for the longest time. remember that? it took me months to admit. then he told me he’s just protective, and i realized there are so many people who see us and care without us ever knowing. so i wondered about a what if between us… what if our paths crossing was shallow and they never intertwined? what if you were just a woman in the grocery store who i’d see once in a while if the timing was right? how long would i think about you before forgetting your face, before forgetting i ever saw you? unless i never would and end up talking about you in my old age to adult children who only know i loved their mother.”

mingyu: “is it ok to call you in the middle of the night? you told me i could. years have passed since that conversation. *laughs* is it strange to think about us back then? how we started on a park bench, basically dated for two years on a park bench. i still think about how your approach to reach me gave away your feelings. you started poised, avoiding eye contact. then it became goofy looks and confident strides before calling my name and skipping to singing the song stuck in your head while you ran to me. i can’t help but wonder what would it look like now?”

minghao: “if you listen to this voicemail, can you tell me what you want? whatever comes to mind after hearing the question. from something small to something weird and the the thing you believe is better left unsaid as if i’d judge the answer, but i won’t. i have no reason to judge you. all i have is curiosity and love and hope for your every day, every want, every touch, every song you sing, every picture you hang, and every night spent barefoot on the balcony- i want to marry you.”

seungkwan: “there’s something on my mind. i’ve wanted to tell you all day. i thought about it at breakfast and started texting you before my manager called and interrupted. so here it is: i used to not understand how tired you’d be with me around. i thought i was boring you for the longest time until i visited my sisters. they exchanged a knowing smile before telling me you’re completely comfortable, that you feel safe enough to slip into the kind of vulnerability that only sleepiness and sleep allow, with your guard lowered, and your heart open. i appreciate how much of you i’ve seen, how deeply i know you—knew you… know you? hmm…”

hansol: “are you traveling? i hope you’re traveling. i know it’s something you promised to do at the start of your 26th year. where did you go? … are you taking lots of pictures? … how does the moon look? that’s your souvenir: the moon in the sky a thousand miles away from home. when you told me the moon thing, i realized i knew nothing about you, and i wanted to know everything.”

chan: “you were in the audience tonight? i didn’t… i wasn’t… thank you for coming. i mailed a ticket, but it was returned to sender. *clears throat* you’re the only person i couldn’t shake wanting to be there. do you know what i mean? people from our pasts we wish could still be present, especially for things they witnessed in early stages. i could shake off all the other absences… old friends, a mentor, but you… *sigh* no way.”

[luvsferrariss]

˚⟡˖ ࣪. ʚ 💌 ɞ a love between letters and secrets - OO3

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ Synopsis: Where Y/N and Han Seo-Jun study together for the first time.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ Han Seo-Jun x Female Reader.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ Warnings: Bullying, I think that’s all for this chapter.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ Author’s Notes: I hope you like it because I’m not sure if I do :( Anyway, just a heads-up, English is not my first language, sorry! Love you all 🤍

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ Series Masterlist here! 🤍

The sound of pencils sliding across the paper was the only thing breaking the silence in the school library. You liked that environment. The scent of books, the soft light coming through the tall windows, and the quiet whispers of students studying created a peaceful refuge, far from the chaos of school.

You had arrived early that day, determined to make the most of every minute before your demanding routine consumed you again. The night before, after dinner at your aunt and uncle’s house, you spent hours reviewing your notes, trying to organize yourself to handle everything—your studies, taking care of your cousins, and now, tutoring Han Seo Jun.

Your eyes moved across the words in your book when Joo Kyung approached, smiling. She sat in front of you without hesitation, resting her elbows on the table and observing you intently.

“You’re really beautiful, Y/N. Has anyone ever told you that?” she said suddenly, without hesitation.

You blinked, surprised by the unexpected comment.

“Ah… thank you,” you murmured, looking away to the books, feeling embarrassed.

“Seriously!” Joo Kyung insisted, tilting her head. “You have such a delicate look. Sometimes I wonder why you don’t dress up more…”

You hesitated for a moment, looking down at your outfit—a simple uniform blouse with a small bow and a plain skirt—then shrugged. You had never really cared much about that sort of thing. Your daily life was so busy that thinking about makeup, clothes, or hairstyles seemed like a distant luxury. Besides, dressing up wouldn’t change the fact that some people at school simply enjoyed bothering you.

Joo Kyung noticed your hesitation and let out a soft sigh.

“You should look at yourself in the mirror more,” she said with a friendly smile. “I’m sure you’d see what I see. I wish I were like you.”

“But you’re beautiful! What are you talking about?” you said, now with a gentle smile. The girl hesitated for a moment.

“Well, I’m going to meet the girls. See you later!”

Y/N watched her leave, finding it strange how she suddenly went quiet. You quickly shook your head and returned to your studies, pushing those words aside.

When class ended, the hallway was packed with students in a hurry to leave. You clutched your books tightly against your chest to avoid dropping them, walking with your head down to go unnoticed.

But then, muffled laughter made your shoulders tense, and you didn’t need to look to know who was approaching. Three girls—the same as always—walked toward you, their gazes sharp like blades.

Your stomach twisted. You took a deep breath, trying to stay strong. This time, however, you wouldn’t just stand there and wait.

Before they could corner you, you quickly changed direction, blending into the crowd of students. Your steps were fast but discreet enough not to draw attention. When you finally reached the school gate without anyone following you, you let out a relieved sigh.

You knew this didn’t mean they were giving up. But at least for today, you were safe, and there wouldn’t be any new bruises on your body.

Then, you started walking to your cousins’ school, which wasn’t too far away. You put on your headphones and continued your way with a random song from your playlist.

The walk to your cousins’ school was peaceful. The sun was already beginning to set on the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange. When you arrived, the little ones were walking out through the gates, chatting excitedly. You took off your headphones and put them in your backpack, crossing your arms with a smile on your face.

As soon as they saw you, they grinned and ran toward you, jumping with joy.

“Y/N!” the youngest exclaimed, hugging you.

It was impossible not to smile. Kneeling down to adjust her backpack, you placed a kiss on both of their foreheads.

The older one hugged you quickly and smiled at your affectionate gesture.

“How was your day?” you asked, happy to hear about their school day.

They eagerly began telling you about school, their voices full of excitement. You listened attentively as you walked them home, feeling lighter by their side, as if the world was peaceful and all your worries had faded away.

When you arrived at your uncle and aunt’s house, your aunt greeted you with a warm smile.

“Thank you for picking them up, sweetheart. Would you like to come in?” Laurel asked as she hugged you, but you shook your head.

“I can’t, Auntie. But I’d love to! I have to go to the library today,” you replied simply, and your aunt raised an eyebrow, curious.

“To study more?”

“I’m helping a classmate, remember? I told you all about it yesterday,” you said, adjusting your backpack on your shoulder.

“Right, I forgot.” Your aunt smiled. “Well, then, good luck with your studies, sweetheart. Go before you’re late, and thank you again!” She gave you another hug and a kiss on the cheek. You smiled and said goodbye to her.

You walked back the same way toward the library, your heart feeling at ease after seeing your cousins happy.

Upon entering the library, you found Han Seo Jun sitting sloppily, a book open in front of him. But by the way he was twirling his pencil between his fingers and staring at the page with boredom, it was clear he wasn’t really reading—just lost in thought.

When he saw you, he raised his eyebrows.

“You took forever,” he commented, closing the book with a thud. You smiled and set your backpack down beside you.

“Hello to you too.” You sat next to him and took out your study materials. “I had to pick up my cousins, remember?” you answered simply, not giving it much attention this time.

Seo Jun looked at you for a moment, recalling that you had told him about it the day before.

“Right… So, where do we start?” he asked, tossing his pencil onto the table and stretching.

You flipped through your notebook until you found the topic of the day.

“Let’s start with history.”

He let out a heavy sigh, looking at you with a bored expression.

“Ugh, how annoying…”

You lifted your eyes, your gaze kind. You had a lot of patience and wouldn’t get easily frustrated with Han Seo Jun’s complaints.

“Read this part. Let’s see if you understand anything.”

He groaned but picked up the book and started reading. The study session was just beginning.

( . . . )

The library was silent except for the occasional sound of pages turning. Han Seo Jun held the history book with an obviously bored expression while you reviewed your notes.

“Alright, let’s test what you’ve learned,” you said, looking up at him with a smile. You enjoyed studying.

Seo Jun clicked his tongue, leaning back in his chair.

“Is this going to be like a quiz?” he asked before yawning.

“Exactly! So, tell me…” You looked closely at your notes before crossing your arms. “Which treaty marked the end of the Japanese occupation in Korea?”

Seo Jun frowned, thinking.

“Easy. The Treaty of… um… wait, I know this.”

You remained silent, patiently waiting, hoping he’d get it right.

“The Treaty of… Versailles?” he answered hesitantly. You were… surprised?

You blinked slowly before responding… This was going to be a lot of work.

“Seo Jun…” you said calmly, looking at him and then at your notes.

“What? It was an important treaty!” he defended himself, raising his hands in surrender.

“Yes, it was. But it happened after World War I and has nothing to do with Korea,” you explained simply, noticing how striking his eyes were.

You quickly blinked, pushing that silly thought away before it spread.

“Oh…” Seo Jun scratched his neck, embarrassed. “Okay, then what’s the answer?”

“The Treaty of San Francisco, signed in 1951 and in effect since 1952. It formally ended Japan’s occupation and established Korea’s full independence,” you explained as you leaned slightly closer to show him in the book.

Seo Jun watched you instead of looking at the book. But then he quickly focused again, frowning.

“Ah, yeah… That was my second option,” he said casually.

“Sure it was,” you replied, rolling your eyes.

Seo Jun chuckled, grabbing his pencil to write down the correct answer.

“Alright, next question. This time, I’ll get it right.”

( . . . )

After a long history session, you decided to change the subject to something more exact.

“Alright, now let’s move on to math,” you said, pulling out a dark blue textbook from your backpack. You also grabbed another notebook—the one you used for math.

Seo Jun groaned and looked at you with disgust.

“I preferred history…” Seo Jun said bluntly, and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“You got most of the basic questions wrong, Han Seo Jun!” you shot back, flipping through the pages. “Let’s see if you do any better here.”

He crossed his arms, defiant.

“Go ahead, hit me with it, professor.”

You studied the page for a moment and then read aloud:

“If a train leaves Seoul at 8 AM at a speed of 80 km/h, and another train leaves Busan at 9 AM at a speed of 100 km/h, at what point will they meet?”

Seo Jun stared at you for a long moment, blinking slowly, trying to process what you had just said.

“Wait… A train?”

“Yes.” Your smile was calm. Good thing you had patience.

“Speed?”

“Yes.”

“Is this a trick question?”

You just shook your head.

“Seo Jun, it’s a uniform motion problem. You just need to calculate the time until they meet,” you said, showing him the math problem.

Han Seo Jun looked at you in horror, then at the problem again, then back at you. You chuckled softly at his reaction. Maybe math wasn’t the best choice.

Then he picked up his pencil and started scribbling in the notebook, muttering random numbers.

“Hm… Alright, I think I got it.”

You quickly looked at him with hope.

“So, what’s the answer?”

He smiled confidently.

“The trains never meet because one of them took a detour to get coffee.”

You stared at Seo Jun, unable to believe what you just heard, not even knowing how to respond.

“You’re joking, right?” you said, trying to hold back a laugh. You had to be serious and help him, not laugh. This was a study session, but your classmate wasn’t making it easy.

Seo Jun laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

“This kind of question makes no sense! Who cares when two trains are going to meet?”

You took a deep breath, staying calm, and looked at him—only to find him already looking at you.

“Seo Jun… If you keep getting it wrong on purpose, you’ll never learn.” Your words made him roll his eyes. “Seriously, I believe in you. I know this is our first study session, but you need to put in the effort, okay?”

He sighed, picking up his pencil again.

“Alright, alright… Explain it to me again.”

Your words had really reached him—someone calm and patient, genuinely wanting to help him.

[bravetemptation]

This is not a 911 blog, HOWEVER. I am a writer and I consume a lot of books and a lot of tv. I have some thoughts. So here you go 😂

—————

First and foremost, not a single one of these notes has to do with the performance of the actors in this episode. The acting was beautiful and well executed. There are certain small aspects I would have adjusted within the plot and the shooting of certain scenes, but that’s neither here nor there.

Let’s get into it:

1. There is nothing I hate more than a character being killed off for shock value and/or because the actor wants to pursue other projects. I think that is the downfall of a lot of writers - they want something so big and bold and unexpected that they don’t think through how that death works with character arcs, and in tv, a lot of the times it can ruin your show. And the fact that Peter DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE, who is a PRODUCER ON THE SHOW, makes it an even worse decision. It’s poor writing and there is no excuse for it, ever. When you kill off a character, there has to be a GOOD REASON, a reason that will invoke the emotion you’re looking for, yes, but will ultimately come with an undertone of “yeah, this makes sense in the narrative”. No matter what way I look at this from a writing and logic standpoint, it doesn’t make sense.

2. In conjunction with 1, the way they could have let Bobby die when he was literally dead for 17 minutes and instead brought him back and let him find true happiness and live just to do this, again, for the shock value of it all, does a disservice to his character arc. I can name ten other things they could have done to have the same level of suspense that would not have needed a character death. We are talking about a man who has been through the TRENCHES OF LIFE, who has been suicidal previously, who finally got his opportunity to live and just … doesn’t get to? Throwing in a line about not wanting to die doesn’t fix that or make it ok, it just comes off as a cop out and covering their poor choices’ tracks.

3. I can normally overlook a lot of the little inconsistencies that they use for plot devices, but these two episodes had too many for me to just be like haha ok whatever. No sprinkler system and/or air system that would suck out all oxygen from a room with deadly viruses in case of a fire? Bobby’s line having a hole in it but him still having the most oxygen left in his tank out of all of them? Bobby having the virus in his system for hours and not having any symptoms and then, instead of having any of the same issues chimney did (bar the nosebleed), he just … falls over nicely? I’m sorry but I’m not buying it and we need some better detail writers in that room if this show is going to survive past this.

4. Not having Eddie in these last two episodes was SUCH a mistake. Not only is he a beloved character, but of all the people in the 118 fam, he is the character who understands sacrifice the most. If anyone should have been there to understand the choice Bobby apparently made, to comfort Buck, to hold everyone together and be the “stoic soldier”, it’s Eddie. Not only that, but the whole Texas plot line was ridiculous and basically left the much more interesting Catholic guilt/internalized homophobia plot line in the dust. Another poor writing decision.

5. They (meaning the crew and directors and all) had every opportunity to make sure this plot line didn’t leak. I’m sorry, but you’re telling me that a show that makes this much money and has taken care to hide their shock value episodes before couldn’t lock down the streets for this? They just let civilians and fans stand there and watch and post it for everyone to see? Fuck that and fuck anyone who thought that was a good idea. I keep thinking back to what my reaction would have been if we hadn’t had the entire funeral procession leaked to us weeks in advance and I literally would have lost my shit. But I just sat there like yeah ok whatever because it was no longer a shock, it was just an annoyance and a frustration.

At this point, if all of this is the real plot line and Bobby is actually dead, it will ruin this show. Not even the other things people were looking for in this narrative (Eddie coming back with Chris, Ravi becoming a MC, Buddie cannon, etc) will be able to fix this.

And if it’s all some sort of elaborate joke? That’s even worse. The manipulation alone will still turn off even the most loyal of viewers, and I’m actually kind of sad for the actors on this show who have worked so hard and loved and learned their characters so much. It does a disservice to all of them.

[fmluder24]

The X Files Loves Dead Jews (Part 1/4): Fetishization of Jewish Trauma in the Early Myth Arc

This multi-part meta, starting with an analysis of the “Anasazi”/“The Blessing Way”/“Paperclip” segment of the myth arc, is a look at the ways in which Jews and Jewishness are treated in TXF canon, and the ways in which we (or at least a version of us) are fundamental to the story as it is actually told in canon, and simultaneously made invisible by, frankly, bad writing and a fandom that missed a good deal of rich and difficult subtext.

The title is a reference to the book People Love Dead Jews: Reports from a Haunted Present by Dara Horn. The basic thesis of the book is the way in which Jews figure in discourse  and are exploited for political and rhetorical ends in pop culture and arguments about many topics, without anyone caring about living, breathing Jews, and how dehumanizing that is. Basically, this quote from the Wikipedia page just about sums it up. 

“Author Dara Horn recounts an inspiring event for the book was at a Nashville quiz bowl tournament in the 1990s. Horn shared a room with two Mississippians, who stayed up late watching Mister Rogers. The Southerners were utterly convinced that Rogers was speaking directly to them through their TV screens — just like they absolutely knew that Jesus loved them. They waited for Horn to concur. When she instead mumbled something about synagogue, they looked, stunned: "I thought Hitler said you all were dark." Reflecting on that experience, Horn would realize that what people knew about Jews is that people killed them.”

Jews are fundamental to TXF, but really only in the pervasiveness of negative tropes about us, and that people like to kill us. No living, breathing expression of Jewishness is firmly found within the show, although as this meta series will explain, there is an ambiguous one lying in plain sight. We will get to him in time. Much of what can be said about the poor writing around Jewishness in canon can be applied to how other marginalized communities are written of by a really ignorant writing team, and I will mention some of that throughout this series of metas, but will focus on the treatment of Jews overall. I’m not the best person to speak to the other components of racist lore, but I hope this project inspires people to write and read other meta on these themes.

For the purposes of this meta “early myth arc” refers to the pre-cancer arc phase of lore. As the show went on, it became more and more about sexual violence towards Scully in particular. Of course, at this point Scully’s abduction was a major part of the lore, but the way in which it would consume her character arc and the way in which the myth arc would center on her more and more tightly was yet to be revealed. This shift in TXF was to the detriment of both the myth arc and the character of Dana Scully. The topic of the horror of the medical rape(s) and how badly it was treated in canon is the subject of countless metas and internet articles, so this meta will focus on a different aspect of the myth arc that I don’t see discussed as frequently or in as much depth as the (white) feminist angle. 

Disclaimer: I have only watched the first 8 seasons and first movie of TXF. I have never heard a single good thing about the rest of the show or the second movie, so I will not watch it. This meta series only touches on events in the first 8 seasons.

Let’s get into a summary of this segment of the myth arc. If you don’t need a blow-by-blow replay, you can skip to the analysis section. 

Episode Summary

This is a jam packed series of episodes. I have 1200 words worth of notes, so I’m going to summarize the plot beats briefly so this meta can focus on the problems I am setting out to describe. They use Navajo throughout the episode, but my research says that community prefers Diné, so I will try to use that throughout. If that’s incorrect, my apologies!

Let’s start with “Anasazi.” We start with breakfast with a Diné family that we can guess is a grandfather (Albert Hosteen), father (I cannot find his name anywhere which is… interesting. If y’all know it sound off in the replies) and son (Eric Hosteen). Eric is going riding. The boy returns later with an alien corpse Albert says to put back. 

We see a hacker get into the state department files about UFOs. We see a bunch of what we can assume are people in The Syndicate or involved with it calling each other about the hack and something they are calling the MJ file. The Lone Gunmen show up at a sick Mulder’s house and tell him the hacker is now on the run and wants to meet him. Mulder meets with the hacker, who apparently didn’t take any precautions or think through what he was doing before doing it. A Chris Carter self-insert, I see. 

Mulder shows Scully the files, which he then freaks out about because he thinks they’re gibberish. 

Dude.

Scully has a brain and says she thinks it’s Diné. In the next scene, Skinner confronts Mulder about the files. Mulder denies having them and takes a swing at Skinner, who bends Mulder over his knee and spanks him, metaphorically. Scully then has to come to a disciplinary meeting about Mulder’s behavior, and the meeting basically sets up that he’s going to be fired for this. We then see Bill Mulder and CSM talking at Bill’s house. Basically, everything has gone to shit because of the hacker, but CSM is still trying to protect Mulder. 

Scully goes to Mulder’s apartment and wakes up a sick Mulder. She’s worried they are going to get fired, and wants reassurance that this is worth it, so Mulder puts up the X in the window to summon Mr. X. Scully goes to research about the Diné language and eventually gets put in touch with Albert Hosteen, who was a code-talker in WW2. 

Mulder’s dad calls him and asks him to come. Mulder leaves his apartment, Scully shows up and someone shoots at her, ostensibly thinking she is Mulder. At Bill Mulder’s house, he says some cryptic shit to Mulder about never throwing in with other people’s politics, how he did it and regrets it. That Mulder’s going to find out terrible things about him. God, how I wish he would just tell him something useful. But this is a Chris Carter episode! Mulder’s dad goes to the bathroom and Krycek kills him. Mulder finds the body and calls Scully, who lowkey thinks he did it but tries to convince Mulder to leave the crime scene so he won’t get arrested. He comes to her apartment because she tells him she got shot at at his apartment and sleeps there. 

Scully steals his gun to run ballistics on it to clear him. Mulder is pissed as hell over this. Scully’s doing her best, but I get why Mulder took it wrong. Scully figures out that the water in Mulder’s apartment is being poisoned and that’s why a woman shot her husband of thirty years earlier that day. In the parking lot of Mulder’s apartment, Krycek sneaks up on Mulder, but Mulder beats the shit out of him. Scully shows up and shoots Mulder to keep him from killing Krycek, who gets away. 

Scully takes Mulder to Albert Hosteen in New Mexico. He tells them the files are about an international conspiracy about aliens that started in the 1940s, and apparently Scully’s name is in them. Hosteen talks to Mulder about the Anasazi being abducted by aliens. (Eye roll). Eric takes Mulder to the area where he found the alien body. CSM calls Mulder and tells him Mulder’s father authorized the project, which he doesn’t explain. Mulder climbs down into a buried box car and calls Scully to tell her about the pile of gassed alien corpses he found. Scully tells him the documents are about Axis powers in the U.S. doing human experiments. Eric closes the lid suddenly as a helicopter with the CSM lands. The CSM’s underlings don’t see Mulder in the bunker. I’m pretty sure the implication is that he hid in the pile of bodies. This… is certainly a choice we will discuss later. The underlings toss a bomb in the bunker. End of episode.

On to “The Blessing Way,” and I will try to go faster this time. Hosteen has a monologue about “Indian” sayings about history and memory that we will return to later as well. After this, we learn with Scully that the government men beat the shit out of the Hosteen family for not telling them where Mulder is, as the government men did not find his remains in the boxcar after throwing the bomb. Scully goes to look for him in the boxcar, but when she leaves the area, she is intercepted by a helicopter and the files are taken from her. 

Scully is being put on leave for missing a meeting with Skinner. The two argue about what is going to happen next and what Skinner is able to do about it. Scully goes to the basement office, but the digital copy Mulder hid there is gone. Cut to the CSM trying to convince the rest of The Syndicate the Mulder is dead. Cut to the Diné finding Mulder and starting a ceremony to resurrect/resuscitate him. Frohike goes to Scully’s apartment and tells her the hacker has been killed.

The Diné ceremony leads to Mulder having these terribly written visions of Deep Throat and his father. I rewatched this scene three times and I simply retained none of the atrocious dialogue. During Deep Throat’s monologue, Mulder has a vision of the aliens being gassed with *hydrogen cyanide* and clawing against the walls, eventually finding a little hole they tried to get out of. This is ostensibly how Mulder survived the bomb. This vision is very important to the point I will discuss below. Bill Mulder has a stupid ass monologue about fate and choices and this is when I rolled my eyes so hard they fell out of my head. So many words to say nothing at all!

Scully goes to Skinner to tell him the hacker is dead, which is somehow going to clear Mulder’s name? Skinner pretty much shuts her down and just wants the tape which she doesn’t have. Cut to Scully just now finding out about the chip in her neck???  How would she not have known??? She tells Melissa about the chip and Melissa thinks she should go to therapy to unlock her memories. She tries, but it gets very intense, the therapist startles her and she leaves. Poor Scully :(

Cut to Mulder, who is fine now due to appropriated mysticism and plot armor. Scully, randomly, sees Skinner leaving her apartment building. She goes to bed and has a vision of Mulder telling her he’s back from the dead and ready to do the work together. 

Scully goes to Bill Mulder’s funeral, where the Well-Manicured Man basically tells her people are after her and might send someone she knows to kill her. 

Mulder goes to his mom’s house to show her pictures of The Syndicate and ask her questions, but she keeps refusing to look and saying she doesn’t remember. Scully leaves her apartment to go to Melissa’s, but Skinner intercepts her to talk and they go to Mulder’s apartment together. She pulls a gun on him because she’s convinced he’s there to kill her. Cut to Krycek shooting Melissa because he thinks she’s Scully. Boo, Krycek. Tomato tomato tomato. While Scully interrogates Skinner at gunpoint, she gets distracted for a second and he pulls a gun on her too. 

On to “Paper Clip.” We are almost done. We get another monologue from Hosteen, this one is about a white buffalo that is a good omen. 

Mulder burst into his apartment and instantly sides with Scully and pulls a gun on Skinner. LMAO. LMFAO even. Maggie is at the hospital with Melissa, who is gravely injured but still alive. Cut to The Lone Gunmen filling the audience in on “Operation Paperclip,” where Nazi scientists came over to the U.S. to work for the government. This was a real thing, but TXF is fictionalizing it. The guy standing next to Bill Mulder in the photo is Klemper, who is a fictional Nazi who did terrible experiments on Jews in particular. The shudder that passes through Duchovny as Langly explains this— me too, bro, me too. I am not confident that was an acting choice, as opposed to Duchovny being uncomfortable, but it’s very compelling. In this alternative history TXF is offering, the project continued into the 70s. Frohike tells Scully her sister was shot and Scully wants to go see her, but Mulder convinces her it’s too dangerous. 

Mulder and Scully go to meet Klemper. Scully confronts him about some of the terrible shit he did, which was nice to see from the token conservative of the duo. Klemper tells them where the photo was taken and the mathematical equation to use to get into the files. He then calls the WMM to tell him Mulder is alive. 

Cut to Hosteen at the hospital with Maggie and Melissa. Cut to Skinner trying to strike a deal about the tape. Cut to Mulder and Scully finding Scully’s file in the archive, then Samantha’s file, which used to be Mulder’s apparently. They get split up, goons show up to kill them, and eventually they sneak out the back. 

Skinner, Scully and Mulder argue in a diner about what to do about the tape. Scully decides that Skinner can start negotiating, but not actually give up the tape until Mulder says. Hosteen monologue time. The calf is sick and its mother died. This is bad. Skinner goes to the hospital and follows a mysterious man who was standing outside Melissa’s room. The man and Krycek jump him and steal the tape. Krycek escapes a car as it blows up. I still don’t know why? It doesn’t matter. 

The WMM, Mulder and Scully meet at Klemper’s, who is now mysteriously dead. The WMM fills them in on what Mulder thinks was the plan to create an alien human hybrid. Scully says this isn’t possible because DNA wasn’t discovered yet. (Once again, Carter’s attempt to write a smart person fails catastrophically because he is not a smart person). She thinks the WMM is feeding them a lie to prop up the Nazi agenda of human tests. That wasn’t the Nazi agenda— the Nazi agenda was a master race, but ok, Chris. Scully storms off. 

The WMM tells Mulder Samantha was taken as insurance to keep Bill Mulder from revealing the truth, and now Mulder is in danger. Krycek calls the CSM to tell him he’s alive. Teena tells Mulder Bill is the one who picked who would be insurance. Skinner tells the CSM Hosteen used oral Diné tradition to teach a bunch of men the contents of the file, so destroying the tape won’t do anything. The plot hinging on the U.S. government not killing a bunch of Native Americans is… exasperating but I suppose it is science fiction. Melissa dies.

Analysis

The invocation of the history of the Nazis for a sci-fi myth arc dehistoricizes the Nazis, making them into campy fictional villains rather than real people who harmed real people. Of course, the Nazis went after many groups, but it is absolutely undeniable that antisemitism and anti-Roma racism was fundamental to the entire project of Nazism and not a quirk of history. This problem is not isolated to these episodes— the later episode titled “Herrenvolk” also invokes this history. There is a similar critique to be made of “731” and “Nisei” and dehistorization of Japanese WW2 war crimes. In TXF’s telling of events, the legacy of German fascism is some goofy alien nonsense, and not the nationalistic fascism of the modern day. Of course, we live in a different time politically now, but it still creates this alternative history where the legacy reads totally differently and is removed from the actual historical legacy that we must constantly grapple with. 

Furthermore, the imagery invoked in the gassing on the aliens, desperately clawing at the concrete wall to get out of the small room they are trapped in is a conscious invocation of gas chambers. The decision to use hydrogen cyanide is deliberate. I only wonder why they didn’t go even further and label the canister Zyklon B, but we must be thankful for small mercies.

The writers might not have always known the tropes they were playing with, but in my opinion, this is too extended a sequence to be a coincidence. Surely even CC isn’t this ignorant. (He might be though. I do not believe he is a smart man.) To then add to that imagery by having Mulder (who we will get to in the final installment of The X Files Loves Dead Jews) hide in the pile of gassed corpses from the government who is trying to kill him is to reinforce Mulder’s association with these tropes. To what end is Mulder constantly martyred in ways that invoke historical Jewish suffering? We will get there. 

There is another element to this arc that I’m not sure they totally thought through and that’s the division of the concepts of memory and history. Here's a quotation that starts off "The Blessing Way."

 Hosteen: There is an ancient Indian saying that something lives only as long as the last person who remembers it. My people have come to trust memory over history. Memory, like fire, is radiant and immutable while history serves only those who seek to control it, those who douse the flame of memory in order to put out the dangerous fire of truth. Beware these men for they are dangerous themselves and unwise. Their false history is written in the blood of those who might remember and of those who seek the truth.

There is something frustrating about things like “ancient Indian saying” rather than attribution to whichever actual community this idea comes from, assuming it comes from one at all and not CC’s brain. As I stated in the front matter, the problems in the portrayal of Jewishness are not isolated to Jewishness; they frequently apply to other marginalized groups, women, and general, deeper issues with CC’s writing in particular. Nevertheless, the concept of peoples who trust memory against peoples who trust history and seek to eradicate memory is quite poetic to me, and it’s actually a division that also exists in the Jewish world. There is a quote from the Chabad website by Mendel Kalmenson that encapsulates quite well the dynamic I am speaking of. 

“Put differently: History is made up of objective facts, and memory of subjective experience. As you might have guessed, Judaism is less interested in dry facts than in breathing experiences. It is for this reason that much of Jewish tradition and ritual draws on reenactment. We don’t just commemorate, we remember. We don’t just recount someone else’s story, we relive our own.” 

The idea isn’t that history isn’t true or important, rather that memory captures something history does not. Accordingly, in Hosteen’s monologue and this Chabad quote, we see that some treat history as something that is past and fixed, and some, in their valorization of memory, treat history as something living and dynamic. 

I don’t necessarily think CC is educated enough about Judaism to be invoking a discussion of memory standing in opposition to history and being given a moral value above it, but he nevertheless wrote it. Native Americans (CC’s versions at least) and Jews, (and Mulder judging by how the camera pans over where we just saw him during Hosteen’s monologue— we will get there) are two examples of peoples of memory. The U.S. government, Nazis, and other related historical forces are peoples of history. These malevolent sources use history to eliminate the truth and will eliminate peoples of memory to do so. At the end of the episode, it is memory that ultimately saves the day when Hosteen and company memorize the files. 

Paired with the intentional invocation of the Holocaust, we see this way in which marginalization is woven into the story of the U.S. governments involvement in what we learned in “Colony” and “End Game” is the impending alien colonization of the planet. Taking real life historical traumas of colonization and genocide and making it the sprinkles on your Bad Sci-fi Sundae is really dismissive of the actual human beings this shit happened to. I’ve only ever seen this talked about extremely briefly on the podcast “The MSR Files,” but hopefully more fans can understand soon how this is a major issue. One of the ways that it’s a major issue, as discussed with the above summary of People Love Dead Jews, is that it doesn’t include anything about these dead marginalized communities and what they were/are like while alive. That’s the crux of the problem. Not only is suffering reduced to a background ornament on the overall story, the real people this happened to are erased.

This is the point of my argument and this meta. Dead Jews, along with other dead and suffering marginalized people, are something TXF loves to waive around without any of the dignity and respect necessary for those conversations. The fandom tends to not understand this very well, reproducing the same dynamic in fics. As the myth arc evolved to focus on sexual/reproductive violence, many criticisms of the myth arc tend to focus on the violence against mostly white women, starting and ending with our girl Dana Scully. These criticisms are really important, but they tend to overlook the way in which the myth arc, especially early on, is a racialized eugenicist project, which is just as important to remember as the feminist criticisms of the arc. Of course, the villains doing racist things, as well as sexually violent things or things that remove someone's reproductive autonomy, could have been a good story despite being morally reprehensible, as depiction is not endorsement, but the lack of dignity given to real world victims really makes it plain that this is not about telling a meaningful story. This is about shock value. 

The next installment of this meta will move from the Jews-as-Victims framing to the Jews-as-All-Powerful one, by moving on to everyone’s favorite elite globalist [redacted] cabal— The Syndicate! In the meantime,  I’ve written other meta that touches on this subject. Here’s my meta about Mulder and antisemitic tropes, my meta about Pine Bluff Variant, and my meta about Drive. 

Thank you for reading!

[lauralot89]

Ways to Write Heroic Dracula That Aren't (Complete) Garbage

Because I just finished a book starring Good Guy Dracula which of course made all the human male characters Murderous Anti-Vampire Meanies.

Comedy of Errors

This is my preferred version. Just go over the top ridiculous in every aspect. Give the sense that Dracula could very well be lying, but also give the sense that he is the poorest and littlest meow meow with the worst luck, so maybe things did unfold as he says. Nothing bad actually happens to Jonathan at the castle except that Dracula doesn't understand food safety, and so Jonathan consumes both ergot and hallucinogenic mushrooms and has the very worst of trips. Dracula doesn't understand what's going on and just thinks he has a very strange guest.

Everyone on board the Demeter dies in increasingly absurd freak accidents, most of which are caused by them spotting Dracula wandering around, making them panic.

Dracula either drinks too much from Lucy unintentionally or else doesn't drink from her at all first, and she's instead sick with some random illness that causes anemia without the usual signs. Dracula then shows up to check on her, realizes by the smell that she somehow now has the Wrong Blood, and tries to save her by taking it out. He repeats this every time there's a new transfusion, because he's an idiot.

Renfield really does die by misadventure in falling from bed, and both his dramatic dying speech and all Dracula's evil villain monologues in the last half of the book were added by Bram Stoker for more drama. Dracula, through some wacky misunderstanding, thinks that giving Mina his blood is necessary to save her life, or something. He then sulks off back home because all these people are being So Mean despite his best efforts to help.

2. A Different Vampire Did It

I like this version less because it requires you to either demonize one of the vampire ladies, or else invent an entirely new vampire who just happened to be in England at the exact same time. But still.

Jonathan's experiences in the castle are either still hallucinations or else the result of him being terrorized by one of the ladies. Said lady then sneaks into one of the earth boxes and is responsible for the deaths on the Demeter, and also for Lucy's fate. Dracula finds and stops the lady as she's killing Mina, and gives Mina his blood to try and save her. Mina, having been only half-conscious through all of this and also having a nightmare about Count Dracula after all she's heard, believes Dracula is her attacker. The lady vampire flees back to Transylvania after being stopped by Drac, and takes a different route that returns her to the castle before him, hence why all three ladies are there when Van Helsing shows up.

3. Van Helsing is the Bad Guy

I don't really care for adaptations that require us to demonize one of our heroes, but if you have to do that for anyone in Dracula, it would definitely be Van Helsing. He is constantly withholding information from people, or else giving these big long guilt-trippy monologues to manipulate those around them into going along with his wishes. (See: Arthur in the tomb) He repeatedly operates on Lucy without her consent and doesn't even tell her afterward what he's done. Seward himself even thinks at one point how much Van Helsing would be able to accomplish if he went off the deep end.

Jonathan does not have terrible experiences in the castle, but he hallucinates that he did so, maybe due to encephalitis or by accidentally ingesting something bad. The first mate on the Demeter goes insane after seeing Dracula, and then ends up killing off the rest of the crew in his vampire hunting attempts.

Whatever happened to Lucy, whether blood-drinking accidentally gone too far or some other illness, the blood transfusion from Van Helsing is killing her (possibly the ones from before as well, I don't know how long you can live with the wrong blood in you), leading Dracula to vamp her. Van Helsing then obsesses over Dracula and leads everyone else into a hunt to the death. The gang (or at least Jonathan and Mina) eventually realize that Van Helsing is in fact kind of dangerous and unhinged, and help Dracula fake his death so that Van Helsing will back off. Mina's consumption of vampire blood may have been part of this scheme, or it may have happened before they started working with him Because of Reasons.

Yes, I know that these are all half-baked and silly ideas. But they're still better than some actually published heroic Dracula stories, and also doing a good guy Dracula is inherently silly and that silliness should be embraced at least a little.

[13tinysocks]

The other day I was watching a video essay about the problematics of “dark romance” and their authors (ex: colleen hoover etc) and also their popularity among book-tok girlies. Although the video was heavily focused on novels I couldn’t help but have in mind fanfics like SYG and specially YCYD

So my question is, Do you think there’s a difference between those dark romance book-took books and your fanfics? (Specially the portrayal of men and women in them) And if there is, what’s the difference? I know that your fanfics, specially YCYD, have constant warnings and disclaimers but that’s doesn’t change the fact that the fanfic is being consumed for satisfaction.

I don’t mean to sound rude, I loved the fanfics, and that’s precisely why I question the dynamics in them.

P.S. I love how immersive your writting is xo

I’ve thought of this often considering I’m rewriting ycyd for the publishing market. In such, making it much darker and uncomfortable as before with beloved characters I didn’t want to make them “too much”. Whereas with these different characters I’ve reared from my teet? Sure, let’s get more explicit.

I think booktok has an identity problem. It wants to be dark and nasty but also classically romantic. Yes my alpha boyfriend kills people but he’s nice to me and I’m also tiny and feeble and he’ll kill anyone who looks at me. Book took often writes abuse but so badly, so unrealistically, they don’t think it is abuse. They think it’s kink but if you view it from a kink perspective it’s watered down slop. The romance is lacking, too quick, cheesy and without chemistry.

Our fics admittedly suffer from the same things. Part of it I addressed the first paragraph, the other well, I was 18 and plain shit at writing.

I think saying “don’t write abuse where the abuser is abused and obviously in a bad headspace” (as many YouTubers who don’t really write on the subject or involved in kink at all tend to say) is dumb. I feel that rhetoric makes people who have actually been abused see themeselves less and less in media. Save for the cliche my mom is a drunk that puts her cigarettes out on me- abuse.

It’s often unsaid but in SOME cases of bad things happening, these things can turn later in life for the victim: into kinks and fetishes. I think this idea is under-explored in “dark” romance novels. Because they’re not really dark at all.

You can not like it. You can be disgusted by these victims but still- they exist. Even non-victims for whatever reason develop gross fetishes. It doesn’t automatically make them bad just- sexually deviant. So long as these people have safe and sane sex I don’t care. But dark romance shouldn’t be safe or sane in my opinion.

To me dark romance at its truest is exploring your kinks to the deepest, nastiest depths with zero regard for character safety or sanity.

Do not misread me. I am not advocating for cp. cp is abhorrent. I would never include such in my work.

I won’t deny it. Syg and ycyd are both stories with abusive dynamics. It is bad on purpose. Ycyd more so. Because if you truly want a horror and romance story in one well- the horror IS the romance. In ycyd’s novelization I want the characters clash and romance to be sickening. I want you to pray to god Dianne gets away from these men. Finds a nice girl in Colorado and rightly fucks off.

But at the same time. I don’t think my style of dark romance should be popular. It is gross! It is bad! But damn if it isn’t fun for those of us into that kind of thing.

Anyway, ycyd is doing very well in writing. I’ll be able to rewrite ho1cs latest chapter soon, the first draft was uttter shit. The job market is bad, im broke, happy Valentine’s Day, go get fisted everybody

[onpurposeilovehimonpurpose]

An Incomplete List: Eleven

This moment is actually my favorite scene of Nick's acting that we see in the film. It perfectly illustrates #11. Can you imagine how scary it must've been for Henry to go out in public after he was outed? And he was there in that car alone, he didn't even have Shaan in the car with him. (Shaan was waiting for him, so maybe that helped, but that drive had to have been agony.) He wasn't able to have any contact with the outside world other than this cruel moment where he had to face the reporters waiting on him. There was no back entrance the car could go to? Or maybe the driver wasn't told to go in any other way? It feels like this was a punishment, forcing Henry to face the cameras and shouting reporters. (Just like how they tried to hide his support from the people at Buckingham.) Whoever made those decisions didn't care how it made Henry feel. He had no support from anyone here and broke down, as anyone would. But here's the thing that's so damn amazing about Henry. He keeps going. He doesn't give in entirely to the sadness, to the terror and anxiety that had to have been threatening to consume him. He is so incredibly strong here. He's been trained to deal with the public who behave like they have a right to accost him, trained to fear what they may say about him, so he learned to behave in a way that meant there was nothing but good things for them to write about him (mostly). Still, no amount of training could have ever prepared him for being cut off from the man he loves, from all means of support (other than Bea and Shaan, who are also wrapped up in the Crown and struggling), from his best friend, and simultaneously dealing with the knowledge that everything he wrote to Alex, and Alex to him, and the V&A footage, that was out there for everyone to read or see. The way he must've felt so flayed open, so incredibly invaded to his core. But he still keeps going. He keeps trying. He takes a deep breath, let's it out, and even if he forces himself to wear a mask to get through the hell he's about to deal with, he never stops trying.

I truly love Henry Fox and all of his layers. He is one of the most amazing characters that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and loving in such a way that he feels real. When it comes to these stunningly intense moments, sometimes I feel like even I know too much about him, that I'm a witness to things he has never given me permission to see. That's how real Henry feels to me sometimes, and this moment here in the film, where we see him shatter, then pick himself up moments later and keep trying, keep living, even with seemingly no light at the end of the tunnel, it's why I think out of all the amazing moments in the book and movie, this one resonates with me above all others and has since the first day I watched it.

[thehollowwriter]

This is random but I genuinely do not care how much you dislike a certain show or book or movie or whatever, "If you enjoy this that means you're a bad person" is utter bullshit and objectively fasle. It doesn't matter if its problematic or has questionable things or is badly written, you CANNOT base someone's morals and beliefs based off the media they consume. And yes this even applies to Harry Potter, cause guess what? Not everybody's going to know about the situation with JK Rowling. My family certainly doesn't. Then it's YOUR job to inform them about what's up. And even then, simple enjoyment doesn't mean anything really.

JKR apparently says anyone who engages in her work shares her views... but that objectively impossible. Look me in the eyes and tell me thet eleven year old me was a hateful white surprecamist because I read the books and enjoyed them. It's nonsense. And it's also JKR's own Conservative way of thinking everyone is ironically adopting. "If you're even slightly associated with or engage in x bad thing, you are terrible and deserve to die." Like come on.

This is just something I've been thinking about for a while, cause the amount of vitriolic hate campaigns and absolutely nonsense of "omg this person I know likes HP they are bad a person I'm so sad." Is utter bullshit. You can't control what you do and don't like. Trying to place morals on feelings and thoughts is probably one of the most hypocritical things you can do if you hate JKR and people like her so much. Maybe try to educate people first before blowing up at them. Labelling everyone a fascist and a transphobe without even using common sense doesn't help anyone at all and it makes the real ones harder and harder to pin down and take seriously.

[writing-for-life]

Considering this is a site where so many people have aspirations to become professional authors or artists, I think it’s really astounding that many (often the same) people encourage book piracy. And by that I mean: They don’t just do it behind closed doors (whatever, do what you have to do and keep it to yourself)—they actually package it as some act of immeasurable kindness in the name of “social justice”. And I’d say: If you’re not a professional author and have no experience in or with publishing, hence don’t really understand what it means to make your living as a writer, maybe just… don’t? And if you ever want to sell your books, maybe also just… don’t?

It’s not some cool subversive thing in the name of social justice you’re doing. You’re really hurting authors with it, and it’s in no way comparable to “fighting the big bad streamers.”

Yes, Neil Gaiman will be okay, but if you’re saying it’s okay to do it to him, you’re also saying by extension it’s okay to do it to lesser known authors. And those authors make up the vast (and I mean vast!) majority of authors. But maybe you’re one of those people who think that all artists are minted and picture them in La La Land, entirely possible. If that’s the case, maybe educate yourself what the median income of authors is, be very surprised and wake up. Sometimes, it really helps to think before hitting post. And if rants are not your thing, this is the exit sign because I’m not going to mince my words…

Here are a couple of really good comments from *that* post that people should maybe inwardly digest before they prioritise being oh-so-understanding and supportive of every Tom, Dick & Harry who “can’t afford the book” via piracy (how about buying them one instead if you care so much. No? Thought so) over supporting authors, artists and, yes, libraries:

(Re the last comment: Or use online libraries—they’re also free. That was also part of above post btw. Libby, Hoopla etc exist for a reason.)

If that’s all too hard, then let’s at least stop pretending on here that we care about supporting authors and artists while vocally supporting book piracy. Because really, it’s the same in all arts, even if the symptoms are slightly different—take it from one who is both a published author and used to be a stage performer.

And to say it quite frankly: These “ideas” are probably held by the same people who were tearfully blabbering about the arts being what kept them going during the pandemic and then forgot about it all when lockdown was over. Or maybe they are the same people who think that art is a “jolly pastime”, and that everyone should just be content to “do it for the love of it and give their art away for free because awwwww, so amazing, here, buy food with my exposure bucks.” Go on then, write and consume fanfics and create fanart, problem solved. Just don’t ever ask for the pro art that inspires it again. Ah no, I forgot, it’s all made for money and soulless anyway, innit? Why oh why then do you want to consume and pirate it though?

You’re not progressive and/or supportive of artists. You just have no clue how making a living in the arts works and think your comfort (= “I have to have all the things even if I can’t afford them”) matters more than someone’s livelihood (namely that of the people who devoted their lives to creating that art for you), and it really shows.

I don’t care about anyone’s Google history and even said so several times on here when people asked (this is the latest one, and yes, I see the people who had a “reaction” to this one or the reblog above, but I bet that’s “coincidence”). Do whatever you want to do, it’s your choice, keep it to yourself. But stop pretending that piracy means “caring about the noble cause”, because repackaging entitlement as social activism is performative crap…

[plague-karm]

Okay since people actually wanted the oc x canon shit here it is ig. I also want to preface this by saying that I am VERY inexperienced with writing characters from pre-existing IP’s (I mostly write for my own characters) so if anything’s OOC here then that’s why. But the funnie rock man has consumed by my brain so yeah. Here’s some background stuff about Carissa and other things regarding this funnie little thing I came up with.

Carissa is the heavenly virtue of charity, the seven heavenly virtues are some of the only creations god doesn’t regret due to them enacting their purpose without any pushback and they live on a completely different plane of existence as a result, high ranking angels visit them often as their domain is nearest to heaven.

My voice claim for her is Christy Altomare.

Unlike the angels who don’t care about humanity, the virtues haven’t lost faith in them (they often talk to the humans who ended up in heaven during the final war, soothing their fears).

She has pet rabbits that she tends to in her private sanctuary that she loves dearly.

I know Sisyphus is based more on the Camus poem rather than the Greek myth but the constantly cheating death thing fits with the concept of Greed WAY too well so I’m including it (this will come into play later).

Greed is the lowest layer she’s willing to go to (Wrath is the midpoint of how bad the sins are and I feel like the lower layers are that depraved that no one really goes there).

Sisyphus overthrew Midas here because of course he did.

He created the moon pendant so she could visit him in Greed more frequently because the rays and dust damaged her body.

One of his main motivations for getting with her was the fact an angel was heavily pining for her and the thought of cucking the enemy was too tempting to pass up (he got to spite the oppressors and he got a wife win win).

The formation of the council took FOREVER so that’s how Carissa got away with being with him for so long.

They get together before Minos’ death and separate before the Greed Insurrection.

She saw his beheading and is the only living being who knows the location of his husks head.

Carissa and Gabriel are actually pretty close which makes what happens later pretty fucked up. Things get complicated.

I’m subscribing to the theory that Treachery is a frozen wasteland and will make hell freeze over because it’s cool.

Okay let’s get into this shit wheyyyyy

PRE-GAME

Carissa is a VERY respected figure for obvious reasons, she was kind, compassionate, and giving to all.

When god disappeared she was incredibly concerned about the state of heaven and what could become of hell with the peering eyes of heaven averting their gaze.

So without telling anyone, she secretly travelled to hell with the intentions of reporting her findings to whoever would next be in charge.

Limbo was a ghost town, she wasn’t expecting much there anyway, but she felt…wrong.

Why were those who didn’t believe in god here? He wasn’t a physical presence, how were they supposed to know if he existed or not? And the books she found…they made her feel sick to her stomach.

They were innocent, slowly being driven insane by the superficial world around them, a constant reminder of what they could’ve had…

No, it couldn’t all be like this right? Besides, Lust IS a sin, surely that’s a place where the depraved souls of the damned deserve to toil in eternal punishment?

So she ventured deeper…and what she found was shocking…

A city, a paradise, she couldn’t believe it, all of this…? Was built by those who sinned…? Was what she was told up there even real? Several people putting aside their differences and building a better life for themselves…it moved her deeply.

She eventually met Minos and was heavily conflicted.

Surely she should report this right? This was against the father’s law! The punishment created by him was being turned into a reward!

…But still, she just couldn’t do it, she was enamoured with the city of Lust, her home was usually quite bright so the change in scenery was very much needed in her eyes.

She would continue visiting in secret, her and Minos had similar philosophical views so they became quick friends and of course her meeting Sisyphus was inevitable.

He was immediately intrigued, she was the complete opposite of him, and he had no idea why she hadn’t said a word to heaven about any of this.

He wasn’t rolling the boulder! Minos’ methods may be too passive for his tastes but they were STILL defying heaven! Why wasn’t she saying anything to them?!

He didn’t mind it of course (hell it was actually pretty convenient considering what he was planning) but still…

They hang out in Lust normally because a majority of meetings are held there (plus Minos was literally the JUDGE of hell it makes sense).

Carissa was very intimidated by Sisyphus at first, and who could blame her? His disposition and his history was enough to put anyone off.

He noticed this and it irritated him quite a bit, he may have killed a few people and used every outsider who dared enter his kingdom on earth as an example but come on he wasn’t THAT bad!

Her first travel to Greed didn’t go well to put it lightly, the heat was almost unbearable, if it wasn’t for lower levels of Sisyphus’ place (I like to think the area in 4-3 and 4-4 was where he lived) having significant amounts of shade she would’ve passed out for sure.

As a result she mostly goes to Lust due to the cooler atmosphere.

He doesn’t know what to do…he likes seeing her anywhere but the fact that she barely visited him in his own layer…it irked him to no end.

So he had an idea.

A way for her to visit him.

It took forever but he somehow made it.

The moon pendant.

He requested her presence and she showed up fairly covered since the heat still got to her.

He used the pendant and she was in AWE.

The night sky was beautiful and the air was clear instead of being humid to a suffocating degree.

She asked him why he did this, and he said that the fact that she couldn’t visit due to her body’s limitations frustrated him to the point of creating the moon pendant as a way to make her time with him more convenient.

This is where it started.

Minos could IMMEDIATELY tell what was going on with Sisyphus, him doing something for someone else (especially if that someone wasn’t from greed) was EXTREMELY out of character for him, he knew him very well, he was one of the only people Sisyphus respected as an equal regardless of him disagreeing with his methods so he immediately figured out what was happening and he was ecstatic.

Carissa on the other hand didn’t know what to do, she had SO many admirers from heaven…so out of everyone she could’ve fallen for why did it have to be HIM?! She was terrified of what could happen if people found out, she may have been incredibly high ranking but she wasn’t invincible, her sisters of virtue could cast her out! He could be killed!

But…the fact that he would go as far as to create a day and night cycle in Greed for her sake…the way he made sure that he took on the load for his people if it was too much for them to bare…it moved her in a way she couldn’t explain.

Sisyphus could TELL that she felt the same, but he was patient (as he always was).

He knew she was worried for good reason, even though he didn’t fear them, he knew exactly why she did.

He was okay with being killed as long as he stood by his beliefs but she was innocent, she wasn’t a cog in their corrupt system, she was BEYOND them, and helped the people in the layers regardless of her status, that was more than enough for him.

Over a VERY long period of time he finally confessed and she accepted gracefully.

The two came to an agreement, no one could know about this (except Minos of course), if it was up to him he’d show her off like no tomorrow, but he knew that her position would be in jeopardy so for once in his life he was subtle.

He would send her gifts pretty often when she was in her sanctuary, they were unsigned so no one knew it was him, Gabriel delivered them (the guy was also a messenger and the fanart I saw of him delivering mail was funnie so why not).

He would often ask who kept sending her these overly luxurious gifts but she’d say she had no idea.

It was mostly night time when she visited him but she had eventually gotten used to the heat there so she visited quite frequently regardless of the weather.

They bantered a lot, she felt like she could be herself around him, less formal and more relaxed.

She really likes his voice, it soothes her when she’s feeling stressed about the disappearance of god, it may have happened a while ago but it was still on her mind…

He was aware that he had an effect on her and used that to his advantage, he’s a very smooth talker (he cheated death god knows how many times so he definitely has a way with words).

Carissa is fully aware of this and sometimes calls him out on it, it’s all in fun though.

LOVES his hair, she always wonders how he keeps it in such good condition despite the weather of greed being so brutal.

He has met her pets, he wasn’t expecting so many of them but hey they’re quiet at least.

Sometimes watches them play fight in his throne room, gets oddly invested despite how ridiculous it looks on the surface, their battle tactics are interesting.

He sometimes wonders how they can withstand Greed’s temperatures, but he tries not to think about it too hard or else he’d risk going insane.

They take nightly walks often, he made clothes for her so she wouldn’t blend in with the environment in case anything bad happened, they’re very comfy :)

Her comfort is his top priority no matter what, he respects her and makes sure everything in Greed is at its highest standard whenever she comes over.

They were both aware that they were walking on thin ice so the wedding was VERY lowkey, he never told her this but the actual event kind of disappointed him, he thought she deserved more, but she was fine with it, she was just happy she was with him.

Things were great…

That all changed when Minos died.

Carissa wept while Sisyphus grieved silently.

He knew this would happen, he KNEW…but a small, foolish part of him hoped that what Minos had built there would work out…but it wasn’t meant to be.

A few nights later he told her about his plan to put insurrection in motion.

The watchful eye of heaven made it harder for Carissa to sneak into Greed but they made it work.

They would become distant during this time, his focus on the army was too great, the plan he had been formulating for millennia was FINALLY coming to fruition.

Carissa was VERY worried about him despite his demeanour being the same as ever. Regardless of their differences she knew Minos meant a lot to him.

This culminated one night in an argument, she exclaimed that this was putting his people in extreme danger, that he could DIE doing this…and he responded saying “I know”. It was a risk he was more than willing to take for his and his people’s salvation, regardless of what his fate would be.

This was too much…and then he told her to leave, he knew that if she chose to stay with him during the insurrection she would be killed (she was high ranking, but defying heaven was considered heresy, regardless of who it was).

She had no fighting experience, she only existed to spread peace and joy, the thought of her dying, leaving her rabbits behind, HIM behind…he couldn’t bare it.

She was heartbroken, but she left without another word…she was devastated. He almost wept himself…but his plan was too important, he had dedicated his entire afterlife towards this, he couldn’t stop now.

Divorce Arc :(

The day of the insurrection was witnessed by all of heaven, even Carissa, because she wanted to make sure he would be okay…

And then Gabriel descended upon high…and Sisyphus’ head was displayed for all to see.

The last thing he saw was the horror in her eyes as his conscious left him, her sobs were like whispers compared to the cheers surrounding her as he was slain.

She grieved in private, she knew he’d be happy about this, fighting against his oppressors until his last breath…but she didn’t want things to end between them the way they did.

She would return to Greed in secret, horrified by the fate of the Sisyphean Insurrectionists, mutilated and ripped apart except for the bare essentials…

She would use the night pendant to make their punishment slightly more bearable.

During one of her many secret visits she found the head of his husk…she would visit it often as a way to deal with her grief.

She’d tell it everything, what she did that day, how the rabbits were doing, how much she missed his company…his humour…everything. She had never felt this empty before in her life…

She would write about her feelings in several empty books, ones she kept hidden throughout the deepest depths of the temple.

She didn’t talk to Gabriel much after that, she knew he had practically become a vessel for the council’s cruelty but it still hurt.

He thought she avoided him because she wasn’t used to him committing such violent acts (nah bro it’s because you killed her friend and her husband idiot 😒).

POST-GAME

Carissa continued her duties but the light in her eyes had lost its lustre, something her sisters of virtue took notice of.

They were worried about her, but she’d always brush them off.

Since we know the council gets murked later on the fathers light would die alongside them. Heaven knew this and they were free for their final moments…

The heavenly virtues had no idea though, so when they slowly died off along with her rabbits Carissa was terrified and confused until she went down to heaven and realised that the end of times was upon them all.

Gabriel became aware of Sisyphus becoming a prime soul, being slain at the hands of the machine…but unlike those before him, he wasn’t fooled…

Minos’ will to go on was snuffed out the second the machine robbed him of his chance at vengeance…

Sisyphus cheated death several times, his tenacity was as annoying as it was impressive, he’d do it again.

He KNEW he’d do it again.

He travelled to Greed to see if he had returned to his domain and inevitably found the books Carissa left behind…and everything clicked for him.

The constant disappearances, the gifts, the ring she wore, the fact she could barely look at him…my god, it all made sense.

He knew things were going to end soon, he knew his time would soon be over…

So he wanted to do a good deed for his dear friend one last time.

He entered the barren sanctuary and saw her sitting motionless, the last embers of the fathers light filling the once vibrant scenery gifted by he who left them…

He kneeled beside her…

“He isn’t dead…”

“…What? Gabriel, I saw you-“

“His soul lives”

“…”

“I know it does…and I know about…what happened between you…”

“How do you-?”

“I went down there to see if he tried to rebuild it, I saw your books…you spoke fondly of him”

“I hoped no one would find out…”

“The machine had him slain, but you know him better than I ever will…”

“He’s always been stubborn…even in the face of impossible odds…”

She chuckled weakly, she always admired that about Sisyphus, no matter how the odds were stacked against him, he’d always go for it, regardless of his actions (she knew he wasn’t perfect) that was an aspect of him almost everyone respected.

“Do you want to see him again?”

She turned to look at him for the first time in years, of course she did, the last thing she wanted was to die in this cold, dark world alone.

“Do you know where he is?”

“No, but I will be able to sense his presence if we go down there together, I can’t stay with you though, if he sees me there will be a fight…and you deserve to go out peacefully”

She nodded, they travelled to Greed…they found him, he was standing alone, a shining light in the rubble that was once his home. Carissa whispered.

“Thank you…”

Gabriel nodded and left without a word, Carissa approached him quietly, standing beside him, looking over the remains of the Insurrectionists and the landmarks once littered across the dust below. He looked different, but she could tell it was him.

Sisyphus finally took notice of her presence, barely managing to restrain himself from doing anything too emotional.

“I thought you would’ve gone up there and completed your mission by now…”

“No, the weapon will get further than I ever will…are they all…?”

“Almost…”

For the first time in his life he wasn’t sure what to do, this was the first time he had seen her in years…should he apologise? But he got what he wanted…no…he had something else to tell her, something that would mean more than a handful of words he had never said with once with seriousness.

“I heard you…”

“Heard what?”

“When you were talking to my husk…I heard all of it, I felt your kisses, I thought it was all a dream…I just wanted to make sure you knew that before you were gone”

She wanted to cry, he heard her? He could sense her sadness, after the way their relationship ended he wouldn’t have blamed her if she never wanted to see him again…but she came all this way…the least he could do was provide her with company before the jaws of death claimed them…

The two talked about everything before their time was over, trying to regain the years that had escaped them

The fact that she was still wearing the ring after all this time…that meant so much to him…more than she could ever know…

And then he could feel it, the cold…

Hand in hand, side by side…they died together…

And he didn’t regret a second of it